Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

 Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

 Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. 4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 6. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.

7. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

8. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

9. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 10. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.